The 57th Hunger Games pt 19

Compared to what I usually wear this is... bright. It's a cream-coloured wrap that ends a little before my knees with white flats and a white hair band pulling my straightened hair out of my eyes. I have golden wings that are smaller than my previous wings but are no less spectacular- they flutter and curl around my body according to my mood. I have gold swirls down my arms and a layer of gold glitter on my body, like a sheen of glittering armour. My lips are gold as are my nails, and I have kohl around my eyes which, surprisingly didn't make me look beautiful. It made me look broken.
Ceaser was the one to hug me when I walked in to the interview room today. "How're you doing, Mesilla?" he asked, stepping back but still holding my shoulders do he could look at me. I smile weakly in return and murmur something about being fine. He rolled his eyes and said "Do you know how many victors have said that? I know you're not fine, Mesilla. Now, let me ask again. How are you doing?"
I let my head fall weakly onto his shoulder. For a twenty-something year old guy, he sure knew teenage girls. I sigh. "I feel nothing. I'm numb, and I just want to forget." He looked sadly at me. Behind his face paint, his eyes were sad.
"Tell me about it," he groaned. I looked up sharply, but he was already strolling towards the couch and sitting in his place. I follow and get placed opposite and handed a drink to make it look like a casual conversation. The smell of the pink juice makes my stomach churn, but I sip it accordingly and smile. They count us down and then the interview starts.
Ceaser is the best. We laugh and joke, sniff and wipe tears from our eyes. We are so compatible and I have a feeling that he is the reason tributes own the camera. My clothes and victory make me memorable but him, he makes me unforgettable. And what is he, twenty-three? Twenty-five? He's amazing.
When he gets to the worse questions I feel my stomach tighten and my hands start to shake. Victors have been bad before, they've passed out and vomited, but I swore to myself that I wouldn't do any of that. I would be strong, for Danni and Xenia if for anything.
We were nearing the end of the interview when he asked me something I hadn't considered. "Mesilla, all your district must be watching. Anything you want to say?" he asks. My breath catches in my throat as I look directly at the camera, almost seeing the green pastures and fields that were my home. My heart ached with home-sickness and the only thing I could do was tell myself that I'll be back there tomorrow at most.
"I want to say... I'm sorry." I didn't know these words. I hadn't thought of them, but I just said whatever. Like I said, I was numb now. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I know all of you wanted Jet to come home, but you got me, and," I choked, and wiped my eyes hastily on the back of my hands. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I want you all to respect him. And that, out of respect, I want you to know that I think of Jet as the victor too, because he was himself to the end. But I wasn't, and now I'm not... I'm not..." I struggled, but I couldn't finish. Not now. Tears burned in my eyes and I hiccoughed. I rubbed my eyes and laughed. I looked up at the camera and from some of the crew's disapproving stares it looked like I had smudged my make-up. "Sorry," I practically whisper to the camera. "I'm so, so sorry."
It took Ceaser a moment to recover, but when he did he took out his handkerchief, again, and wiped his eyes. I knew this time it was fake, but it was a bonus effect. I turned my face from the camera and looked at a random corner of the couch. "That was so touching," Ceaser said to me. I looked at him and smiled weakly. A watery chuckle escaped my lips and we finished off with a few more questions.
"And that, Panem, is your victor for the fifty-seventh Hunger Games, Mesilla Tomwitch! She'll see you all soon, but for now, it's good-bye!" Ceaser signed us off and I waved and smiled and blew kisses to the cameras until they turned it away. I flopped in my chair and shut my eyes, exhausted from all the mental tension.
"Up," Skree's voice told me. I groaned, and she snapped "Fine, don't go home." I pouted, but opened my eyes and lethargically got up. Ceaser was talking to the camera crew, so, with my wings beating in time with my heartbeat, I walked up to him, intent on saying goodbye to one of the few people on my side. I heard Skree huff and clomp away and I just rolled my eyes, typical teenager.
I interrupted, because I was grumpy. "Bye, camera man dude. See you soon, Ceaser." I smiled angelically at them and pretended I didn't just interrupt their conversation. Mr. Camera man seemed overwhelmed he was talking to a victor, so he just smiled simperingly at me, and in return I batted my eyelashes in his general direction. Ceaser scooped me up in a hug.
"Leaving so soon, Mesilla?" He asked after he had stepped back. I laughed in response.
"I'm homesick," I replied, which was sort-of the truth. I was homesick, but I just really wanted to get away from the Capitol.
"Well, give my best to... to..." my smile fell off my face when I realised he had forgotten about my parents. I felt my wings respond to my mood and curl around my arms, shielding me. He grimaced, but I just walked away. So much for a touching goodbye. I should have expected this from someone from the Capitol. He called after me, but I just went down to the elevators and joined Skree, Gren and Zoe, feeling the familiar numbness cloud my thoughts.

---

The train was rattling and it was so annoying. There must be something loose in the engine or the machinery, but something was shaking against another metal part of the train and it was sending me off the rails.
I was in my compartment, lying on my bed just staring at the ceiling. I had changed into sand-coloured slacks and a brown singlet top. I hadn't gone to lunch when they had called me, but now I was regretting my decision. I sat up and, seeing I'd have to make my own food when I got home and I may as well live it up now, I went to the little microphone-thing in the corner of my room and ordered an outrageous amount of food and drink.
An Avox brought my food in, his hazel eyes annoying me instantly. I sent him away as soon as he set the food down and started eating. I had unconsciously ordered the same pink 'non-alcoholic' juice I had drunk after the chariot rides, and this time I set it aside carefully, wondering if the shaking train would knock it over.
When I was finished, leaving about half the food on their plates because I was full, I vowed I would learn how to make chicken risotto. I finished a bright blue juice that tasted of berries, and returned to the bed, stacking the plates carefully before doing so. Soon I would be home and, for the first time, I was worried.  What would I do if I didn't recognise my apparent 'boyfriend'? But I suppose it didn't matter now, I didn't need the respect of the Capitol now I was out of the Games. But... I didn't want to blow their cover. I didn't know how the Peacekeepers would react if I told them that they faked their identities for me. Decisions, decisions.

---

"Wake up, Mesilla. We're home," My eyes snapped open, but Zoe was already walking from the room. I leapt up, grabbed some random clothes from the drawer, only looking for a second to see if they didn't totally mismatch each other. I ran to the bathroom, brushed my hair and positioned my skirt, which was a stupid thing to wear when going home to pastures and oxen, who will be the only happy living thing to see me. I wonder if I got to keep Gregg now I lived in the Victor's Village.
I ran out into the corridor and to the door of the train. My mentors were already waiting there and I bounced on my toes, wanting to smell the air in district ten again. Before I could go, though, Zoe tsked and wiped the smudged eyeliner under my eye, I jerked away, but she caught my face in an iron grip.
"You can't go out like that Mesilla. There will be cameras out there." She growled. I rolled my eyes and pulled away again.
"Thanks mom." I snarled, regretting it once I said it but kept my composure. She looked like she was about to slap me, but I side-stepped her and opened the door to the citizens of district ten, smiling dazzlingly already.
No one was there.
Okay, I lied. Some people were there, but they were Capitol reporters. I brushed past them as I ran out to the main street, looking for anyone and ignoring their questions. Then, someone appeared at the end of the street. I immediately thought Arielle, but as they ran closer I saw they were broad-shouldered and taller than her.
Jet.
My eyes stung, but I fought the tears. I realised too soon that it was 'James'. My boyfriend. And, bloody hell, he was a great actor. He was running to me, smiling broadly in relief and happiness, and I knew I had to save him, because only someone who would willingly volunteer for the Games and not change in them would let him get caught. I started running to him too, and when we reached each other I leapt into his arms and he crushed my mouth to his. It was a quick kiss, and I knew it meant nothing. It was simply for the cameras, but it was enough. The reporters were smiling and crying, but some were still asking blatant questions like "where were the people?"
I was still clinging to 'James'. I had to speak quickly. I smiled grandly at him and spoke quietly so only he could hear.
"What's your name?" it was a hushed whisper, but he heard it.
"It really is James. James Farquill." He murmured back, looking like I'd just said the most romantic thing in the world.
"Where is..." I swallowed and a tear fell on his face. I chuckled and wiped it off his face. "Where is everyone?"
The answer was unexpected. I was anticipating 'They hate you', or 'They're all dead'. Okay, maybe not the last one, but I would have thought it more possible of the rough people of district ten then what he said next.
"They're not here," he started, but I kissed him again because the camera man looked impatient. After, he hugged me and whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my hair. "They're not here because they're paying their respect to Jet, just like you told them too." My heart dropped, and I just wrapped my arms around him in need of a real hug now. He hugged me back, wrapping his arms around my waist and smiled at the reporters before hiking me up into his arms.
"See ya!" I heard him call to the Capitol people, and then he walked away with me, my arms still around my neck with my head buried into his collar bone, down the street. I was shaking, but now it was from contained laughter. "Did I mention," James said into my ear "That I am the son of Banner?" Banner was the head Peacekeeper here in district ten. James gestured to the peacekeepers and they stopped the reporters from chasing us further down the street.
One day, I was going to thank the citizens of district ten. My gratitude for what they did today was overwhelming. I never knew how much Jet meant to them till now, and I wasn't angry at them one bit for not showing up. In fact, I respected them. This was a first and probably a last too, but it was monumental. Now I know that I have a district who are trustworthy and honourable, beautiful people who respect their champions, but also their fallen. And in this circumstance, Jet was the champion.
And I had fallen so far that I didn't know if I could come back.